April 20, 2008

2:12 PM: Mark 10:9

A lot has happened since my last post. Least importantly, but momentarily annoyingly, my T key keeps sticking. And in this opening paragraph alone, I have had to fuss with the T key 12 times. Oh, now 13.

I wonder, when little girls dream about their wedding days, if they ever picture themselves eloping and skipping the whole wedding hoopla. Of course, I've already had my big hoopla wedding, so maybe I don't count. But I think I always imagined that it would be a big deal and romantic. Little did I know I'd one day become an eloper--or that a small deal could be way more romantic.

This has been quite a ride... but that is what I've come to expect from my roller-coaster life. The good break, then the engagement, then the judgment/suggestion, then the wrong break, then the recommitment... and then a shot gun wedding.

I have one important thing to say at this point:
I am not pregnant. I promise. We were painfully abstinent!

I guess you get to a point where you are two grown, praying adults who have made a valid decision about what they want, with an assurance of a God who listens and speaks to them. And then when you're at that point and someone tells you that what you're hearing from God isn't real, you have to step back and look at what you have. We are not impulsive people. We don't take this lightly. We have prayed and prayed over our decisions. And we decided to stop asking the world their opinion and do what we felt called to do. And that is the end of my defense.

Being married in the courthouse was actually a thousand times more romantic than the big, showy wedding I had the first time. With all the details and stress, I think a little bit of the meaning disappears. When it's just the two of you in one big room, holding hands and looking each other in the eyes, without a roomful of people watching and taking pictures, without worrying about whether your mother pulled your veil off your head when she hugged you... when it's just the two of you and a man with the power vested in him by the State of Ohio... that is romantic and real and a perfect, private moment. And while the idea of it being secretive and impulsive felt somewhat edgy, there was also a real excitement in being in on something together... in knowing something no one else knew. I guess it's kind of like beginning a new life with even the teensiest bit of adventure. I like a little adventure.

We will have a party eventually. I ordered a non-refundable dress and I intend to use it! Besides, we need real pictures so we can tell this crazy story to our grandchildren.

Next comes the details... moving Josh out and in, budgeting, name changing, getting rings, learning to adjust to living together... But first, telling people. That's what we're working on at the moment.

Over and out--
the Mrs.

Labels: ,


April 08, 2008

4:46 PM: joy kill

What do you think about divorce and remarriage?

We're getting some resistance from the church about this marriage, and it's beyond what the word frustrating can portray. I'm still in some state of shock at the events that have occurred in the last 24 hours. It was just yesterday around 5pm when I talked to the pastor and he said there are some issues regarding the marriage because of Josh's divorce. In one rotation of the earth, I have been angry, frustrated, defeated, sad, depressed, and resolute. I finished with a more positive word, but that doesn't mean the negative ones aren't still hanging around.

I happen to be in love with a man who isn't all that resolute. He is a good, godly man, but his struggle with grace makes him a lousy decision maker. He is sure of something one minute, and the next he is all at sea. What? Being a bit of a control freak (yep, I have my own issues, I guess), this is not easy for me to handle. I just want to take every little thing and fix it, but that isn't my job. I can't repair every injustice in his life no matter how hard I try.

I am at a loss to understand how the church I have attended and loved for the last five years is suddenly letting me down. I've never claimed to agree with everything the Southern Baptists believe, but I thought they were more interested in grace and forgiveness than they were about the legalistic side of things. I am not saying that we should discard the law, but Jesus came to fulfill it and that is what he did. The law now is Love.

Clearly, God hates divorce. Every Christian knows this. I had to wrestle with it regarding my own divorce. But what God told me during that time was this: Shannon, I hate divorce. But I love you. And that's the same for any kind of sin. Sin is just sin... it doesn't come in levels of evil, specific ones don't have certain requirements for removal, and God doesn't see one differently than another. It's all just distance from him, and it all disappears under the blood of Christ. And at that point, none carries conditions.

Let me look at a few things here. Divorce and remarriage is called adultery under the law. And how did Christ deal with an adulterer? Consider the woman in John 8 who was caught in adultery. Jesus told her accusers that they had no right to punish her. He said "Neither do I condemn you... go and sin no more." (John 8:11)

There is a promise from the Lord that Christ is faithful and just to forgive us, including the sin of adultery, if there is genuine repentance. Jesus didn't condone the woman's sin, but he forgave her. He didn't put any conditions on her freedom--he just released her from her sin.

Hebrews 10:17 says "And their sins and iniquities I will remember no more." If the Lord has forgotten the sin, how can there be conditions attached to it? We have a new start in Christ. "Old things have passed away; all things are made new!"

I'm not sure what kind of point I am attempting to make. I guess I'm just frustrated and needed to vent.

Pray for us. Pray for me as I meet with the pastor tomorrow. Pray for Josh as he deals with feelings of defeat and wanting to quit. Pray that God would speak to him in a way that is undeniable and full of grace. Pray for us that we can make it through the first of a lifetime of crises together.


Labels: ,


About Me

    Name: Shannon
    Age: 29
    Occupation: Editor
    Identity: Child of God
    Location: Ohio
    Yahoo: shann_79


© 2007 Shannon, the Writer of this Blog"